Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Day In the Life

When I say I eat like a frat guy, I’m not kidding around. I thought of this a moment ago as my glance lighted on the plate that, just minutes earlier, had held BBQ-chicken frozen pizza and a s’mores Pop Tart. (Yep, it was that kind of night.)

As an ode to tried-and-true features in women’s magazines everywhere, I thought I’d post a tru-lyfe account of my day in food. Ahem!

I allllllmost bought these, but resisted. #admirablerestraint

8:30: Woke up; a bit rugged. Put coffee on before I showered and, post-shower, horqed said coffee and a small bowl of hippie cereal (feat. flax, pumpkin seeds, oats, etc.)

1:00: After a leisurely Target jaunt during which clearance wine, cat litter, and a king-sized box of Cheez Its were purchased, it was lunchtime. Klassy dames that we are, Sabina and I hit up the adjacent Hooters, where I enjoyed most of an order of boneless buffalo wings and half a plate of fries. Also a bloody Mary: Grey Goose and extra olives.

It should be noted that our lunch visit coincided with a casting call for the show “Bad Girls Club,” which I’ve never seen. Our waitress described the show’s premise as “ghetto girls fighting with each other.” I don’t understand the absence of an apostrophe in the title. Moving on!

6:00: Returned home, where Sarah, Brent, and Kent were sippin’ Tecates. In solidarity, I also sipped one.

6:47: Hunger strikes! Noshed Cheez Its while chatting with mother on phone.

7:47: Dinnertime. Rather than cooking Actual Food, I succumbed to my baser urges and popped in a frozen pizza. Ate half of said pizza while scanning my G-reader and listening to The Kinks. For dessert? A s’mores Pop Tart straight from the freezer. Frozen Pop-Tart filling has a consistency similar to that of saltwater taffy, which is one reason I like the treats frozen rather than cooked.

***

There you go: a day in the dietary life of Garky. I’ll admit, I wrote this post mainly to amuse myself, but if y’all gain secondary enjoyment from reading about my simple-carb consumption, all the better! Perhaps A Day in the Life will become a recurrent feature? We shall see.

PS: Totally listened to “A Day in the Life” while writing, natch. Hadn’t heard the song in years but man, has it held up.

Joy of Joys

I’ve been gone; I’m back now, if only brief & flittingly. I’ve got no real excuse for the non-posting, my only sort-of excuse being the visiting of family, the suddenly warm and breezy weather that makes me want to abandon all my formal tasks and just walk.

Though I wasn’t posting them, I gathered a lot of meals & stories these past few weeks, one of my favorites being a simple quinoa salad that I dressed up with a new vinaigrette. Besides the grain, the dish contained roasted chickpeas and sweet potatoes, bathed in olive oil, s&p; salt-and-pepper pecans; golden raisins; fresh snap peas, cut into sections; roasted grape tomatoes (not yet burst); a dressing of olive oil, lemon juice, s&p, dried tarragon, and fresh mint; and, finally, goat cheese, mixed in after the salad had cooled a bit.

Yes, I just spelled out the ingredients list for that salad, that’s how satisfying it was. I’m going to replicate it; I have just the sweet potato prepared.

My favorite story, though, is my first trip to The Jelly Donut. Since I first saw it, perched at 24th and South Van Ness, I’d longed to go. I put off visiting, in part out of fear that the donuts might not meet my expectations (what if they tasted like old grease?). Really, though, I enjoyed the longing: the anticipation of the day I’d cross the bootscuffed threshold and pause before the display case.

My history with donuts is a long one, more storied than you might assume. I’ve waxed nostalgic for Hans’ Bakery, the donut shop of my youth where you could get a glazed donut as large as a plate, its interior lighter than spun air. I’ve also mentioned my fond feelings for Swedough’s, whose burnt-orange decorating scheme and aging clientele make one feel as though they’ve fallen into a wormhole and landed in 1976. In both cases, I love these donut shops not simply for their wares (though DAMN, do I love donuts), but for the experience they provide: temporary relief from the exigencies of daily life.

My first Jelly Donut experience was wholly unexpected. Having eaten dinner and had a cocktail, Alex and I faced a long wait for the bus. Rather than sitting in the [relative] cold, A. suggested we get a donut. And, despite having just eaten, the lure of fried dough was irresistible: time and time again, I’d passed by that smudged plate glass, only to walk on past, but not that night. “OK,” I said, when I really meant, “Oh HELL yes!”

I knew immediately which donut I wanted: that one, the chocolate-covered behemoth pictured above. When in doubt, I opt for the largest-available, chocolate-frosted treat. (When not in doubt, I opt for the same thing.) My standby didn’t let me down. I undid the golden dough from the coils into which it had been fried, trying not to get chocolate all over my hands and face; mostly, I succeeded. Contrary to my initial prediction, the donut did not taste like old grease — in fact, it was airy and not-too-sweet, though the frosting may have given me insta-diabetes.

What I enjoyed most about the trip — indeed, what I enjoy about most donut jaunts — was occupying the dining room. Those well-wiped tables and serviceable chairs make me feel I could be just about anywhere. Donut places have about them a certain desolation, a silence that isn’t replicated in other establishments, even those with a similar price point and customer base. There’s a loneliness, a desire for a moment of peace and quiet; it’s reflected in the charred-coffee smell and the fluorescent lights’ flicker and the pleasant detachment of the woman running the till. It’s a mild, meditative disengagement from The Routine: a respite I’ll never give up, despite the barrage of bad news about refined sugars.

I don’t have a donut shop here (“my” shop). I love Bob’s, but it’s too far away to establish itself as a haunt. The Jelly Donut, though lacking some of Bob’s charm, has a solid product and a grittiness that resonates with me. It’s miles closer, too, and open late. I foresee more J.D. trips in the future: the late-night future, replete with unpopulated muni rides, wind-whipped scarves, adventure.

Semi-Homemade: Thoughts on Convenience

This morning, I came upon Emily Matchar’s Hairpin article The First Sandra Lee: Poppy Cannon and Her Can-Opener Cuisine, and my brain perked up. I thought I was in for a real treat — the rhetorical equivalent of a triple-layer chocolate cake, cemented with layers of buttercream and lovingly scattered with flakes of chocolate. And I was in for a treat, though one by no means as decadent as the one I imagined — more of an intellectual sponge cake, soaked in low-rent rum and sprinkled with the zest of a shriveling orange.

Matchar begins with an introduction to Poppy Cannon: food editor, cookbook author, and lady about town. Cannon was no dolt; she knew good cuisine when she saw it, yet she elected to write about can-opener cooking. Such a decision brought criticism upon Cannon, who didn’t care — after all, she was makin’ money and livin’ the dream. (All together now: money talks and bullshit walks.)

Further into her post, Matchar compares Cannon to modern-day frozen-foods whiz Sandra Lee, who, like her predecessor, has come under heat for her “recipes.” Superficially, at least, the women are similar: both faced adversity as children and longed to get the hell out of Dodge; both profited enormously from their advocacy of quik-n-easy foodstuffs. But there the similarities end. Where Cannon was an innovator, Lee is merely upcycling a decades-old concept, repackaging it in a millennial-friendly manner.

At the time Cannon was writing, convenience foods were a relatively new concept. Canned foods had been around for a while, but TV dinners were viewed (so I’m told) as a miracle product — a way for housewives to provide their husbands with a warm, nourishing meal without spending hours in the kitchen.

Today, of course, heat-and-eat foods aren’t viewed with the same impunity. Reviled as junk and made the target of class-focused arguments, frozen meals and components are the red-headed stepchildren of the food world. Not as nutritionally void as Pringles, Twizzlers, and Pizza Rolls, frozen and canned foods are almost worse off; by asserting themselves as nutritive, they draw more contempt and cynical evaluation than they would otherwise.

But I’m not here to hate on canned foods; I’m here to examine the critical difference between Poppy Cannon and Sandra Lee. Matchar draws comparisons between the women to illustrate her point about convenience-food haters. She quotes chef Michael Ruhlman, who claims that cooking with other people and eating homemade food is “part of what makes us human.” Retorts Matchar, “unlike Ruhlman, both Sandra Lee and Poppy Cannon understood that some full-blooded human beings actually find cooking a giant pain in the ass.”

Which is true — some people do find cooking a major pain in the ass. I’m not one of those people. What Matchar fails to acknowledge is that Sandra Lee doesn’t cater to people who truly find cooking a pain in the ass. Those individuals have available to them a glorious array of fully prepared, fairly nutritious meals; every supermarket has a frozen section filled with fully prepared meals, and more and more markets have salad or hot bars with entrees ready to be eaten. People who actually hate cooking rely on these options. Or they eat at restaurants. Or they wait for others to cook for them.

On the contrary, Lee targets people who like the idea of cooking, who view the process as something valuable, but for whatever reason don’t want to engage in the process from start to finish. If Lee’s target demo didn’t care for cooking at all, they’d open a can of Dinty Moore and call it a day. Even the title of Lee’s show (Semi-Homemade) acknowledges the value of a homemade meal. Matchar miscategorizes Lee’s audience and, as a result, weakens her argument.

Cannon, who aimed her book at “working girls,” was writing at a time when women had recently gained the option to enter the workforce. The necessity of balancing work life and domestic tasks was a new one for many women. Not so for Lee’s audience. That is to say, many women (and men) still struggle to balance their work and home lives, but the struggle itself is nothing new.

Lee’s purpose isn’t to alleviate the struggle; it’s to stoke the self-esteem of people who want to make homemade meals but are too lazy. Her recipes occupy a strange doldrummy space: hideously unappetizing, they require a decent — but not an overwhelming — amount of prep. They yield products that are pointillistically “homemade;” get closer to the table and you’ll recognize that that gorgeous pie is really just graham-cracker crumbs topped with cherry sludge and Reddi-Whip. Failing on the levels of nutrition and taste, Lee’s recipes are little more than window dressing.

Maybe Cannon’s are, too, but they’re the window dressing of an earlier era, a time during which such a classification held different cultural associations. Food snobbery has always existed, but its targets were different in 1951 than currently. Matchar’s primary oversight is her failure to acknowledge the very different cultures in which Cannon and Lee worked.

Matchar is right: there are people for whom cooking is a giant pain in the ass. There are also people for whom cooking is a semi pain in the ass, and those people are the followers of Lee.

***

Image sources: [1], [2], [3], [4]

Reading of the Day: On Olive Oil

Good afternoon, friends! A relaxing day around these parts. True, my ride to work was hella gusty, resulting in bangs sweat-plastered to my forehead, but lyfe since then has been golden.

One nugget of joy from today’s Internet Explorations is this post on ciao samin, Samin Nosrat’s blog. Samin* offers readers advice about how to buy olive oil, starting at the true start: how to identify good olive oil. So, how DOES one identify good oil? Samin’s answer: it’s all about taste (not cost). That is to say — and I’m grossly oversimplifying, here — follow your heart and palate.

Which is good news for yours truly. As much as I’d love to spend $35 on a bottle of oil, that ain’t in the cards just yet — I’ve got other billz to pay, y’all. (Note: I have several get-rich-quick schemes a’brewing, and the internet will be the first to know if/when I strike it rich.)

Last weekend, I bought a bottle of California Olive Ranch EVOO (feat. above). I’d bought it once years ago, based on the comparative cuteness of its bottle,** but I couldn’t remember its taste. Now I have the chance to revisit this product of yore, judge it in relation to the other olive oils I’ve had (which, truthfully, isn’t that many). I’ve used said oil a few times this week and haven’t formed a distinct impression — yet. I will, though: Oh, will I ever! And I’ll report my findings to you.I’ve got half a mind to start an olive-oil journal. For one, I love lists: lists of anything. Most of my contemporary lists are of the to-do variety, but when I was a teenager (13 or 14), I created this massive list of everything I liked. I set aside ten-odd pages in a journal of mine and added to the list whenever I could. In retrospect: man, I had a gratitude journal before gratitude journals were cool. #aheadofthecurve.

But back to the notion of an olive-oil journal. Such a project would not only cater to my love of lists & classification, but it would help me identify my ideal oil: one whose taste, price point, and appearance meet my needs. An OOjournal might not be as glamorous as, say, a cheese journal or a scotch journal, but it would beĀ  infinitely more practical. I love cheese and scotch, but neither of them is an everyday food. I use olive oil [almost] every day. It would behoove me to know the oils whose flavor I most enjoy. Added bonus: I love the idea of having a record of All The Oils I’ve Tasted. Someday, far in the future, I’ll sit in my rocking chair, paging through the OOjournal, remembering the great oils of my young adulthood.

If you have a moment, wander over to ciao samin and beef up your olive-(oil) knowledge. (I wanted to say “olive knowledge,” which has a great ring to it but isn’t wholly accurate.) For any interested parties, here’s a Smithsonian post about the process of tasting olive oils.

***

Image sources: [1], [2]

*Typically, I refer to authors by their last names, but referring to Ms. Nosrat as “Samin” seems friendlier, more natural, and so it shall be!

**A terrible reason to buy a food product, I realize, but I’m in FULL DISCLOSURE MODE.

Confession: Your Post Makes You Sound Like a Douchelaser

It’s true: I’ve spent my last few posts bitching and moaning about Annoying Things I Have Read, and this is the last such tirade (for now). BUT, when I stumbled on this SFist post, titledĀ Confessions Of A San Francisco Parent: Babies In Restaurants Aren’t A Problem, I couldn’t resist. I am, after all, only human.

I’ll say this up front, lest I sound like a crazy, kid-hating bitch: I don’t hate children. I like children! They wear adorable, baby-sized Ray Bans and sometimes say funny things! Human life! Perpetuation of the species & c!

You know what I hate? Smug parents. Smug people in general, but smug parents in particular. I also have megaqualms with misleading article titles, several of which SS and I have encountered on this very day.

The title of the article post in question led me to believe that the author would defend parents who bring their yawling tots to nice restaurants. “Fucking A,” I thought, “another of those folks,” by which I mean folks who consider their own needs above everyone else’s.* But no: the post falls into another category altogether — that of the ill-formed line of argumentation, the absent thesis, the plague of blah-ness.

Rather than positing that, No, babies in restaurants are not annoying and here’s why, the author admits that babies in restaurants can be annoying:

To our dismay and frustration, at the next table was a little girl. She wasn’t crying or screaming. She was watching Dora the Explorer on full blast on her personal DVD player …We were livid.

The author understands (abstractly, at least) that yes, a crying child can wreck other patrons’ dining experiences. She goes so far as to say, “I understand how disruptive a child in a restaurant can be, especially when you’re paying big bucks…” One point for insight! That the author identifies the problem undermines the other half of her argument: because the crying child isn’t mine, it isn’t a problem.Whoa, whoa, whoa: back up. You’re saying that because you can block out the shrieks of kids (or that you can pretend said shrieks aren’t annoying), those shrieks aren’t a problem? I love this logic! Let’s apply it to other so-called problems:

“You know, I’ve never experienced genocide, so it’s NOT A PROBLEM.”

“My parents were killed when their car was struck by a meth-head driving a conversion van. BUT, because it’s not happening to me in the current moment, it’s NOT A PROBLEM.”

To review: the author admits that, yes, loud children can indeed disrupt a dining experience. She also claims that, unless the loud-ass kids are her own, they aren’t a problem because SHE doesn’t have to deal (“deal”) with them. Never mind those other diners who have to, uh, listen to the kids. D. Hanousek’s post could have been reduced to a single line: “The world revolves around meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

***

*And, let’s be honest: parents who bring colicky-ass babies to restaurants are doing exactly that. Whatever the cause — inability or unwillingness to find a babysitter, obsession with one’s offspring, desire to tote one’s kids to All Public Places — the result is the same: other diners’ needs are infringed upon.

Image sources: [1], [2]

Chubster: AVOID!

Wanting to diverge from my established tastes (in music, books, foodstuffs, & c.) — rather, wanting to build upon those tastes — I’ve taken to heeding external guidance. I’ll go to the record store with an open heart/mind, not searching for anything in particular, in many cases bringing home something wholly unfamiliar + really freaking good. (Note: this method works best at stores with curated collections. Maybe don’t try this at BEST BUY, if you ever set foot in a BB.)

Ditto my approach to searching the public library’s catalog. SF peeps, did you know that the SFPL publishes lists, sorted by month, of new acquisitions? No? Check ‘em out! I’ve come across a few gems in this manner — gems I might certainly have overlooked/never discovered if I hadn’t adopted this new search method.

All that was a roundabout way of arriving at the topic at hand: Martin Cizmar’s Chubster and the fierceness with which I dislike it.

First things first: Chubster is a diet book. I am not on a diet. Why did I check it out? A few reasons:

  1. I stumbled upon the title during one of my book-reserving sprees, during which I also requested Unlocking the Secret Levels of the Mind. (Summarized: My preferences were all over the map.)
  2. I had a moderate curiosity about a book marketed toward self-identified hipsters (“hipsters”): what would the prose be like? The cultural references?
  3. I think I’d write a pretty badass get-healthy guide (Tagline: Eat what you want WHEN you want! And never look back!), and this book seemed good For Research Purposes.

I was ASS WRONG.

Chubster’s premise is simple: it’s a diet book for people who loathe diet books. People who don’t want to forsake PBR-fueled ping-pong matches, mimosa-heavy brunches, and bacon-wrapped everything in the name of weight loss.

Expecting Chubster to resemble The Hipster Handbook with a few bits o’ dietary advice thrown in (“Eat a goddamned apple, dumbass!”), I looked forward to reading it. As you already know, my expectations were quickly & irreversibly dashed. What’s my problem with the book, you ask?

Cizmar’s weight-loss advice is the same advice given by everyone, everywhere: eat fewer calories than you burn and you’ll lose weight. Boom. Done. This was to be expected; after all, such is the only real way to shed a few pounds, boring as it is.

Chubster, then, can be thought of as a repackaging (rebranding) of common, old-as-hell knowledge. In itself, this is fine; I’ve got no beef with rebrands.

What I do have beef with is poorly executed rebrands, a category into which Chubster undeniably falls. Consider again the book’s premise: it offers diet advice for hipsters. But what is a hipster? Answer: there is no such thing. Or rather, there was at one time such a thing, but the term (after years of circulation) has become so debased that its meaning shifts constantly.

Check out this list of results for a search of “hipster” on the New York Times website and identify the common thread uniting the stories. No, I’ll be here for a bit.Targeting a misleadingly specific audience — one that seems to exist but, upon examination, is found to be a logical dead-end — yields problems in tone. Chubster is rife with such problems.

These problems stem, in large part, from the book’s muddied target demo. Chubster purports to be aimed at hip (“hip”) under-40s, but what is hip? Cizmar seems to be addressing a plaid-shirted, bespectacled phantom, one who reared his head in 2002 and, like Sasquatch, existed ever after only as legend.

Consequently,* Cizmar’s tone is a bit tough to suss out. Obstacle #1 is the issue of gender: is the book targeted to men, women, both? The answer is ostensibly “both,” but Cizmar occupies a precarious position. Traditionally, at least, diet books are aimed at women; Cizmar, a dude, appears to pitch his book at both genders, but his stylistic choices (and jocular asides) tilt the book in the direction of male preference. (This isn’t a problem, per se; it only became a problem here because the book was ostensibly targeted to a co-ed audience when really that wasn’t the case.)

Obstacle #2 is Cizmar’s actual diet advice. Because he’s targeting a nebulous audience, he can’t tailor his advice to them; instead, he talks about his own experience. Which, frankly, isn’t so thrilling. Basically, the author ate a bunch of pre-packaged, preservative-laced meals/snacks, excercized, and lost weight. That’s fine, but it’s far from revolutionary, nor is it remotely resonant with the imagined target demo. Lean Cuisines? Really? If anything, Cizmar’s diet-related chapters read like the rhetoric from the weight-loss guides of the ’80s — which could be hip, if you think about it (the lycra! the geometric eyeshadow! the typefaces!), but it’s deicdedly unhip in Cizmar’s hands.

I’ll admit: I read this book ’til the end, loathe it though I did. I had to, if I wanted to kvetch about it. If the prospect of irritatedly blogging hadn’t been motivating me, however, I’d have stopped after the first paragraph. My advice: don’t waste your time on this book. If you want to know how slim hipsters eat, track some down in the wild for observation. It’ll be a bit like the hunt for Bigfoot, but with more Tecate.

***

*That is, in light of the fact that he’s addressing a non-existent audience.

Image sources: [1], [2], [3], [4]

Wine & Roses

Happy post-Valentines, friends! Did you wake up today with a sugar + oxytocin hangover? Have you hit up your local Walgreen’s to score some deals on discount candy? Are you glad you won’t see Sweethearts for another 11 months? Other thots about yesterday’s holiday?

Ours was a lovely, lovely V-day. Rather than battling the Marinafied crowds, we opted to prepare a picnicky dinner (eaten on the bed, natch). Bi-Rite was so crowded that we had to wait in line, as one would wait outside a club. (“I’m wearing jeans,” Alex quipped. “Do you think they’ll let us in?”) Made conversation with the woman in front of us, who lives in the same building as Robert Patterson.* “He’s just opened that new restaurant, and I can’t wait to try it out,” she said — a bit wistfully, I thought, or maybe with the tone of someone obligated to attend a niece’s piano recital. She promised she’d go soon.We waged an epic battle at Bi-Rite, dodging rampaging hippies just there to get farro, goddamnit, and canoodly couples practically making out in front of the olive display. (GET A ROOM! Next time, that is.) Forty-five minutes later, we were prepping dinner. On the menu: assorted cheeses and charcuterie; dates, which Alex pitted and sliced into wedges; olives; radishes, cleaned, halved, and served in a teacup; arugula, tossed with toasted breadcrumbs and the tangiest vinaigrette, sharpened with shallots and capers and grainy mustard; bread: a sweet baguette and a soft, flat loaf crusted in sesame seeds; German sparkling wine; and Boston Creme Pie, with the lightest filling and the most decadent chocolate shell. Membrillo, too, which I cut into thin slices and smashed into the bread before laying down sheets of Manchego.We ate near the heater, our plates and bowls balanced on small tables, our legs tucked beneath us. Watched the Maine episode of “No Reservations,” which I kept interrupting to ask, “Is that how it really is? Is this an accurate representation?” We let our stomachs settle before cutting one slice of the pie — a sharing slice — and finishing off the champagne and then, very late, rolling into bed.

I wished I could stay up late enough to extend the night through the morning, through the next day, into an ever-expanding experience that would not dilute, even with prolongation. That’s not how time works. Instead, I’ll keep the night’s memory as a talisman: a filament, a worn stone, a bottle filmed with the remnants of what it contained.

***

*I think. She just said “The owner of the ramen place on 18th,” that ramen place being Ken Ken and Patterson being Ken Ken’s owner.

Forever Home

HELLO THERE, INTERNET! NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

Just kidding! I mean, I’m kidding about not having seen the internet, because God, what do I do all day besides cruise the Information Superhighway in my sick, imaginary PT Cruiser? As you all have noticed — or maybe not noticed — this corner of the internet has lain dormant. Not quite gone to seed, it’s nonetheless grown over with dandelions and brambles and tiny maple saplings and other flora that might not coexist IRL.Abandonment metaphors aside, take a look at the rad dinner Alex and I prepared last night: Moroccan chicken and olives, served over couscous (top) and an arugula salad with vinaigrette (bottom).

The chicken was a freestyle based on a Food52 recipe I found. My criteria for yesterday’s dinner were as follows: 1) it can’t be boring; 2) it can’t be too difficult to make; 3) it can’t require tons of equipment, because I have exactly one (dullish) knife. Lo & behold, this dinner fit the bill on all accounts!

Would you like to replicate this gorgeous dinner? Yeeeeeeees? Here’s what you’ll need to do.

Moroccan Chicken and Olives (adapted from Food52.com)

Ingredients

  • Vegetable oil (several tablespoons’ worth)
  • One pound boneless chicken thighs, trimmed of most visible fat
  • One small onion, finely chopped
  • Three cloves garlic, minced
  • One-inch hunk of ginger, skinned and diced
  • About three cups organic chicken stock
  • Juice of one lemon
  • Zest of one lemon
  • Three carrots, cut into coins
  • Two bay leaves
  • Several strands of saffron
  • One teaspoon smoked paprika
  • A DASH of curry powder
  • Approx. 1.5 teaspoons of fennel seeds
  • Dash of red pepper flakes
  • Hearty dash of cumin
  • 1/2 cup olives, rinsed and drained
  • Chopped cilantro (about 1/4 to 1/3 cup)

Method

  1. Begin by drying, salting, and peppering your chicken thighs. Heat several tablespoons of veggie oil in a skillet. Place batches of the thighs in the skillet & brown them. Remove chix from skillet and set aside.
  2. In that same skillet, cook your onion until it’s translucent. Midway through the onion-cooking process, add your garlic and ginger to the pan.
  3. Once the onion is cooked, return the chicken to the skillet. Add just enough stock to cover the chicken. Add your lemon juice, lemon zest, carrots, and spices, and simmer until chicken and carrots are cooked through.
  4. At the very very end of the cooking process, add the olives and cilantro to the mix. Allow the olives to become warm, and then remove the skillet from heat.
  5. Serve chicken over couscous (or rice, if that’s your thing). You’ll have plenty of leftovers, and this will make you very happy.

In case any of you were wondering about the title of this post, I have news: I’ve moved! Again! Srsly, though, this is the last time, and trust me when I say this. (Trust: I signed a yearlong lease, so I won’t be schlepping across town anytime soon.)

I’m living with my pal Sarah, queen of snark and killer vegan cupcakes, and together we will furnish our Forever Home with the best craigslist has to offer. We’re already loving the new place, which was completely renovated prior to our move-in. That’s right: we’ve got new bamboo floors, a landscaped backyard, stainless appliances (incl. a DISHWASHER), and — best of all — a six-burner stove. Have I died and gone to heaven? Is heaven a 2BR railroad-style apartment? Don’t answer that. Instead, stop by and say hello! I’ll offer you a teacup of wine and whatever baked good I have available.

 

What I Can’t Live Without

KRONNNNNNCH! Yep, it’s Crunch Week at my office (read: end of the production cycle), and most everyone is going a little nuts. We’re all of us sleep-deprived, overcaffeinated, a just a tetch cranky; don’t we sound lovely to chill with? Heh heh heh.

As you’ve probably noticed, my increased workload has really cut into my blogging — a tru bummer, but one that will be reversed soon enough. (I swear!)

I haven’t been cooking at all — the one proper dinner I ate this week was lovingly prepared by Alex, and it was the Most Beautiful Meal. Instead, I’ve been getting weird fast-casual food or eating snack dinners: crackers spread with hummus, small hunks of cheese, Korean pears rinsed quickly and sliced. It’s nourishment, right?

Even though my foodlyfe has been mundane, I want to get back in the blogging saddle, and so I present to you the following list of Trader Joe’s food items I could not live without. The next time you find yourself up shit creek without a paddle (or, like, a granola bar), consult this list. I guarantee you’ll have the best no-cook dinner around.

Trader Joe’s Items I Could Not Live Without

1. Tuscan White Bean Hummus I’m prone to getting myself in food ruts — periods of time during which I’ll eat the same thing over and over and over again until one day, I can’t fathom eating one more bite of the previously revered food. I’ve been in a Tuscan white bean hummus rut for months, which is to say there has been no span of time during which I haven’t had some of this in my fridge. Serious shit, this.

Hummus either blows my mind or turns me off completely. Once in a blue moon, I’ll make my own, but my version inevitably ends up far too garlicky for everyday consumption. Most store-bought hummuses are so pale and mediocre that they don’t warrant a second thought, or glance, or even this mention.

The one exception? Trader Joe’s Tuscan white bean hummus. Ooooh, baby! It’s garlicky but NOT so much so that you can’t eat it at work. It’s unbelievably creamy and spreads like a charm. Unlike its cousins, it’s the perfect shade of ecru — a small advantage, but an advantage nonetheless. Finally, this hummus is cheaper than many of its competitors (and the tub is larger, too). Score, score, score!

2. Apricot Stilton

I became a Stilton convert the weekend of October 15th, 2011. In preparation for our trip to Treasure Island, I hit up TJ’s with instructions to purchase beer, scotch, bread, cheese, more beer, cheese, fruit, and salami. Beyond the standard brie and cheddar, I grabbed a wedge of apricot Stilton. Sure, I hoped for the best; little did I know I’d just discovered a soon-to-become-favorite cheese.

Similar in texture (and pungency) to blue cheese, Stilton is best enjoyed as part of another dish. Let me rephrase: it’s hella crumbly, and you can try to eat it in chunks — just know that cheese crumbles will end up all over your table/counter/desk/other surface. For the most part, I add Stilton to salads; I’m sure it would improve any pasta dish, as well.*

3. Corn Tortilla Flat Breads (Multi-seed edition)Do you like everything bagels? How about snacks that are as crunchy as potato chips but not as greasy as potato chips? Do you like things ostensibly made from other things? Well, you’re in luck: these corn tortilla flat breads are crispy, salty, and perfect for making snackwiches: ramshackle little sandwiches of hummus, arugula, cheese, olives — whatever you might have in your fridge or cupboard.

I’m particularly fond of the flat breads’ size, which makes them ideal for topping with goodies, and their seediness, which adds flavor (and a health halo). Bonus: they’re pretty durable, so far as crackers go; this is to say, they rarely smash into millions of tiny pieces, even if I carry them home in my jostly bike bag.

4. Tempeh Here’s the scoop: TJ’s tempeh looks gnarly (like something you might buy at a community college pottery sale), and it tastes a little gnarly, but give it a chance — it’s packed with protein, slow to perish, and inexpensive. I buy a few bricks to keep on hand for quick dinners: stir-fries and pasta dishes, mostly, but I’d like to try tempeh tacos some night.

My favorite way to prepare tempeh is to 1) cube it; 2) simmer it in coconut milk spiked with spices (cumin, curry powder, smoked paprika, pepper); and 3) serve it with veggies over udon. Naturally bitter, the tempeh is sweetened a bit by the coconut milk.

There are other TJ’s products I LOVE — crack chips, sesame-seed-encrusted cashews, mochi — but these are the ones I’d perish without. And, yes: that’s it, for now. Wish me luck as I head into the final few hours of CRONCH…

***

*Any pasta dish that would benefit from a gentle sweetness, that is.

Image Sources: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]

Resolutions: Check-In

We’re just over two weeks in to the new year, which seems the perfect time for me to check in on my New Year’s Resolutions (which you can find here). How am I doing so far? Not too bad, as you’ll soon see:

Resolution 1: Use More Smoked Paprika

[Image Source]

To date, I’ve used smoked paprika exactly once this year, and that’s only because I spotted the tin in my pantry and immediately remembered my goal. How did I use this wunderspice? I added it to a dish I made yesterday: tempeh and veggies simmered in coconut milk, served over udon. Typically, when I make this dish, I use good amounts of fennel seeds, cumin, black pepper, and curry; the smoked paprika lent the broth a fine orange color and added a bit of kick. I definitely gave myself a pat on the back for adding it.

Cubes of tempeh, waiting to be simmered.

Verdict: Though I’m technically making progress toward the achievement of this goal (that is, though I’ve technically used this spice ONCE), I could stand to take things up a notch.

Resolution 2: Continue Seafood Appreciation Project

Welp, I haven’t eaten any seafood this year, so this one’s not going as planned. BUT (silver lining), I’ve eaten a fair amount of Thai food since January 1st, and that food maybe probably contained fish sauce, so that’s a start?

Resolution 3: Eat Better Candy

Progress on this resolution is so-so. I haven’t bought any hella upscale candy (yet); to be fair, I haven’t been to the Ferry Building this month. But, I have branched out a bit from my Milky Way Minis routine. For example, I bought some soft peanut brittle at Trader Joe’s:Hardly gourmet, but it’s a change of pace, at least. (I am rationalizing: I admit.)

I’ve also purchased these caramel-filled Dove squares that are kind of delicious and sickening all at once (mostly the latter). OK, OK, these were a total Walgreen’s impulse buy, but again, they were something I’d never bought before and I wanted to give them their day in the sun. Help a sister out! Have a little mercy! I WAS BROWSING THE CANDY AISLE WHILE HUNGRY — what was I supposed to do?

In summary, it appears that I’m off to a slow start w/r/t the ole resolutions, but not to worry — I’ve got until March to abandon them completely. I kid! I have a genuine interest in using smoked paprika (and other spices unfamiliar to me), incorporating seafood into my diet, and eating more interesting candy — because lord knows I’m not going to stop eating candy. That, more than a giant asteroid hurtling toward the earth, would be a sign that the end is near.