Category Archives: Product Roundup

What I Can’t Live Without

KRONNNNNNCH! Yep, it’s Crunch Week at my office (read: end of the production cycle), and most everyone is going a little nuts. We’re all of us sleep-deprived, overcaffeinated, a just a tetch cranky; don’t we sound lovely to chill with? Heh heh heh.

As you’ve probably noticed, my increased workload has really cut into my blogging — a tru bummer, but one that will be reversed soon enough. (I swear!)

I haven’t been cooking at all — the one proper dinner I ate this week was lovingly prepared by Alex, and it was the Most Beautiful Meal. Instead, I’ve been getting weird fast-casual food or eating snack dinners: crackers spread with hummus, small hunks of cheese, Korean pears rinsed quickly and sliced. It’s nourishment, right?

Even though my foodlyfe has been mundane, I want to get back in the blogging saddle, and so I present to you the following list of Trader Joe’s food items I could not live without. The next time you find yourself up shit creek without a paddle (or, like, a granola bar), consult this list. I guarantee you’ll have the best no-cook dinner around.

Trader Joe’s Items I Could Not Live Without

1. Tuscan White Bean Hummus I’m prone to getting myself in food ruts — periods of time during which I’ll eat the same thing over and over and over again until one day, I can’t fathom eating one more bite of the previously revered food. I’ve been in a Tuscan white bean hummus rut for months, which is to say there has been no span of time during which I haven’t had some of this in my fridge. Serious shit, this.

Hummus either blows my mind or turns me off completely. Once in a blue moon, I’ll make my own, but my version inevitably ends up far too garlicky for everyday consumption. Most store-bought hummuses are so pale and mediocre that they don’t warrant a second thought, or glance, or even this mention.

The one exception? Trader Joe’s Tuscan white bean hummus. Ooooh, baby! It’s garlicky but NOT so much so that you can’t eat it at work. It’s unbelievably creamy and spreads like a charm. Unlike its cousins, it’s the perfect shade of ecru — a small advantage, but an advantage nonetheless. Finally, this hummus is cheaper than many of its competitors (and the tub is larger, too). Score, score, score!

2. Apricot Stilton

I became a Stilton convert the weekend of October 15th, 2011. In preparation for our trip to Treasure Island, I hit up TJ’s with instructions to purchase beer, scotch, bread, cheese, more beer, cheese, fruit, and salami. Beyond the standard brie and cheddar, I grabbed a wedge of apricot Stilton. Sure, I hoped for the best; little did I know I’d just discovered a soon-to-become-favorite cheese.

Similar in texture (and pungency) to blue cheese, Stilton is best enjoyed as part of another dish. Let me rephrase: it’s hella crumbly, and you can try to eat it in chunks — just know that cheese crumbles will end up all over your table/counter/desk/other surface. For the most part, I add Stilton to salads; I’m sure it would improve any pasta dish, as well.*

3. Corn Tortilla Flat Breads (Multi-seed edition)Do you like everything bagels? How about snacks that are as crunchy as potato chips but not as greasy as potato chips? Do you like things ostensibly made from other things? Well, you’re in luck: these corn tortilla flat breads are crispy, salty, and perfect for making snackwiches: ramshackle little sandwiches of hummus, arugula, cheese, olives — whatever you might have in your fridge or cupboard.

I’m particularly fond of the flat breads’ size, which makes them ideal for topping with goodies, and their seediness, which adds flavor (and a health halo). Bonus: they’re pretty durable, so far as crackers go; this is to say, they rarely smash into millions of tiny pieces, even if I carry them home in my jostly bike bag.

4. Tempeh Here’s the scoop: TJ’s tempeh looks gnarly (like something you might buy at a community college pottery sale), and it tastes a little gnarly, but give it a chance — it’s packed with protein, slow to perish, and inexpensive. I buy a few bricks to keep on hand for quick dinners: stir-fries and pasta dishes, mostly, but I’d like to try tempeh tacos some night.

My favorite way to prepare tempeh is to 1) cube it; 2) simmer it in coconut milk spiked with spices (cumin, curry powder, smoked paprika, pepper); and 3) serve it with veggies over udon. Naturally bitter, the tempeh is sweetened a bit by the coconut milk.

There are other TJ’s products I LOVE — crack chips, sesame-seed-encrusted cashews, mochi — but these are the ones I’d perish without. And, yes: that’s it, for now. Wish me luck as I head into the final few hours of CRONCH…

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*Any pasta dish that would benefit from a gentle sweetness, that is.

Image Sources: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]

Small Pleasures

Kind of an odd, rainy weekend around these parts. Well, it wasn’t kind of rainy — it was entirely rainy — but it was kind of odd. Off and on, I experienced the type of displacement tempered with longing that I felt most acutely in high school and college: the sort of mood whose frequency diminishes as one gets older, but never disappears completely.

Schedule craziness prevented me from cooking anything rad this weekend, but I managed to enjoy some stellar foods + beverages, despite My Hectic Lyfe. Saturday, I spent the morning researching for an article and the afternoon co-hosting an open house. By late afternoon, I was ready for a jaunt. I called Alex to see if he’d like to walk to the Castro to check out a soon-to-be-opened restaurant (more research!). Because he is the sweetest, he accompanied me on my work-related trip. We walked to Dancing Pig BBQ and snapped a few pics, and afterward, we had some walking left in us. We walked right up to The Lookout, about which we’d both been curious but had never visited.

I’m glad we finally visited: the drinks were strong, the view stellar, and the music DANCY! Manhattan in tow, I burrowed deeper into my coat and watched the foot traffic below, feeling cold and alive and five years younger — all one could hope for on a Saturday night.I woke up Sunday morning fully rested and with my stomach a-growl. Rather than hitting Mission Pie for a latte and scone (weekday indulgence), I joined Alex for tea and soup and croissants at Local: Mission Eatery. See that croissant? That was a butter pecan croissant, and it’s maybe the best one I’ve had since I was in Paris. (Note: I never had a butter pecan croissant in France, but I had piles of plain ones. This croissant blows all others out of the water.)

Regular readers and IRL friends know that I’m a pastry fiend — if it has flour and butter, I’m all about it. For a long while, I was smitten with the almond croissants at La Boulange, though I haven’t had one of those in some time. I maintain that Thorough Bread & Pastry has the best chocolate croissants in the city, but this croissant was some seriously next-level shit: with my fork, I pried apart each golden layer of dough, taking tiny bites of the nutty, buttery filling to ration it.

I saved half of my croissant “for later,” by which I mean I ate the second half as soon as I got home. Heh heh heh: that croissant! It was otherworldly. I’d go back tomorrow for a repeat performance, but I feel that such treats should be eaten only occasionally, lest overconsumption diminish their deliciousness.

It’s raining now, and I can hear the slick sounds of tires on the wet road. I didn’t do the best job of cooking this week, but tomorrow begins a new week: one that will be filled, I hope, with polenta and fresh herbs and sandwiches on seed-crusted bread. And coffee: lots of coffee, brewed strong and evened out with almond milk.

Roundup: Worst Christmas Candy of ALL TIME

SS’s office is organizing a Secret Santa gift exchange(!) Why the parenthetical exclamation point, you ask? Well, because I secretly like Secret Santa exchanges, cheesy though they may be. Few things* top the excitement of receiving gifts from a person who barely knows you, or a person who barely knows you and intensely dislikes you, for whatever reason (professional or non — take your pick).

Discussion of Secret Santas led into a discussion of Christmas candy: the best, the worst, and the in-between. Loving candy as I do, compiling a list of stinkers was difficult — but not that difficult. Once I’ve boarded the bitch train, disembarking isn’t an option! Without further ado, here’s my list of the all-time worst Xmas candies, in no particular order:

1. Books of Lifesavers

[Source]

I lied about the “no particular order” thing — Lifesavers’ Sweet Storybooks are the absolute bottom of the Xmas candy barrel (if not the general candy barrel). I actually received one of these via Secret Santa, and I pawned off the ‘savers on less judgy family members. A single roll of Lifesavers is bad enough: the candy is uninventively sweet, and the packaging allows lint of all sorts to cling to the uneaten lozenges. A whole book? You’re out of your damn mind. I’d rather get Ricolas in my stocking — at least those are individually wrapped and kind of Swiss.

2. Canes o’ Kisses

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2. Cane o’ Kisses: that sounds sexy and Irish, yeah? Sadly, Hershey’s version is neither. Chocolate kisses are bad enough by the handful; by the caneful, they’re a sin. The only foreseeable use for this novelty is whacking the person who gifted it.

3. Peppermint Nougats

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I’ve got no inherent beef with Grandma candies; I have very specific beef with these Grandma candies. In most cases frustratingly (and inexplicably) stale, these bad boys will trash dentalwork like nobody’s bizness. Factor in their nauseating faux-peppermint flavor and their terrible, non-representational fir-tree hearts, and you’ve got the recipe for a perfect dud.

4. Ribbon Candy

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Unlike the previous item on this list, ribbon candy can be quite beautiful. Its failings lie not in its external appearance, but in its bonding abilities (which statement might also apply to Kim Kardashian). Not properly stored, ribbon candy fuses into one massive candyblob, unable to pried apart by even the most diligent sweet tooth. Nobody likes a candy clot.

5. Non-mint Candy Canes

[Source]

Candy canes can (and often do) fall into the camp of too sweet candies — those enjoyed only by lit’l kids whose only goal is Max Sugar Ingestion. Still, there’s something beautiful & pure about the original candy cane/attendant nostalgia. Dum-Dum-flavored, Shrek-themed canes, on the other hand, are a bastardization of the form. Candy that mimics other candy is pretty weak — especially if that other candy is MFing Dum-Dums; branding it with a CGI troll does nothing to better its cause.

6. Peppermint Bark

[Source]

Props to SS for suggesting this item. It’s been years [read: decades] since I sampled any such bark, but SS has had it more recently. She writes, “Peppermint bark…slowly disintegrates, so by the time yours truly gets to it, it’s mostly melty and tiny pieces.” Ability to disintegrate isn’t altogether a bad thing, except in the case of Candy Meant to be Shared. Tiny, melty pieces of Frankensteined white chocolate do not a pleasant eating experience make.

7. Cordial Cherries

[Source]

I like maraschino cherries. Mostly, I like them as part of a Manhattan, because anything soaked in good bourbon is worth my time. Cordial cherries, however, make me want to disavow their central ingredient. Enrobed in low-rent milk chocolate, each morsel oozes sugarwater that resembles pus more than anything else. NO, SIR!

8. After-dinner Mints

[Source]

This is kind of a bonus item — after-dinner mints are, after all, available year ’round — but I’ll take any chance I can get to hate on these puppies. Enamel-erodingly sweet, this candy also has the texture of chalk.

And there you go. Armed with the knowledge of which products to bypass in Walgreen’s holiday aisle, you should have no problems stuffing the stockings of your loved ones. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

PS: If I’ve neglected to mention your least-favorite Xmas candy, please do mention it in the comments.

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*Uh, this might be a hyperbole. I can think of a lot of things that beat this thrill, but for the sake of the post, plz suspend your disbelief.

Not Worth It: Justin’s Nut Butter

Do y’all remember that Living Social* deal that scored buyers half off at Whole Foods? What’s that? You’ve unsubscribed from all daily deals sites because they are annoying/promote offers for businesses you NEVER visit/jam your inbox? Uh, well, I still follow a few sites, and I got that Whole Foods deal, and I’m going to tell you a moderately long-winded story about how that deal spawned my dislike of Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter.

Like I said, I bought that Whole Foods deal, even though $20 at WF is good for precisely two rolls of free-range toilet paper. What can I say? I’m a sucker for deals, and Whole Foods. My initial plan was this: I’d use my $20 to buy practical basics — rice, quinoa, perhaps a tub of crumbled goat cheese — and would subsequently feel virtuous about stretching my grocery dollars.

That’s not what happened, clearly.

No, instead, I entered the store with the mentality of, “HELL YEAH! I have FREE MONEY to spend!” and I loaded up on basics and a bunch of frivolous crap I’d never have bought had I not had that coupon.

One of my more unnecessary purchases was a single-serving packet of Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut Butter. I bought this with the knowledge that I had both peanut butter and Nutella at home. BUT, ladybloggerz everywhere tout these single-serve nutbutter packs, raving about how convenient they are and how they make excellent afternoon snacks, &c, and in my moment of weakness, I caved.

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with the Butter. The foil packet sat on my desk, in a bin with other To-Be-Dealt-With items: a picture frame that needs fixing, an empty butter dish, a tiny plastic Brontosaurus given to me by my sister. I continued eating peanut butter and Nutella as I always had, aware that the expensive Butter languished in my room, waiting.

Yesterday, I brought the Butterpak to work. Somewhere between my apartment and my office, the package sprung a minor leak, and I was unpleasantly surprised by dribbles of chocolately goo inside my bike bag. This isn’t the company’s fault, by any means, but perhaps the fault of the packaging manufacturing facility? This leak didn’t stop me from sampling the product; after all, I’d come this far: I needed to know whether this stuff lived up to the hype.

Long story short, it does not live up to the hype. I ate the Butter on a Vital Vittles roll (which, YUM), and I think I’d rather have eaten the semi-stale bread without any condiments. The Butter wasn’t gross, per se, but neither was it anything special.What were my qualms? Let me explicate.

First, the texture was wack. Whereas Nutella is rich and thick — dense enough to hold a butterknife upright — this Butter was runny. Oozy, even. Kind of mucouslike. I do not like to be reminded of mucous as I am eating lunch.

Second, the taste was so-so. One reason I enjoy Nutella so much is that it’s deeply chocolately without being over-the-top sweet. Justin’s Butter was heavy on the hazelnuts, light on the chocolate; indeed, the hazelnuts were almost all I could taste. This in itself isn’t a bad thing — I like hazelnuts! — but I was expecting chocolate hazelnut butter, not hazelnut butter tinted the color of dark chocolate.

I’m all for trying new products, and I’ll continue to explore the realm of Bobo Nutbutters (especially if coupons are involved). But for the time being, I’ll keep my choco-hazelnut loyalties with Nutella.

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*Was it Living Social, or was it a deal sponsored by any of the other 851 Daily Deal Sites I subscribe to? UNCERTAINTY. Note: after a quick google image search, I determined that the deal was, in fact, Living Social.

Internet Roundup

In recent days (by which I mean the past three days) I haven’t cooked anything top-notch. This isn’t to say I didn’t eat anything top-notch: on the contrary! Saturday night, we discovered Henry’s Hunan, which is freaking amazing and reasonably priced (think Midwest prices); I’m going to dedicate a full post to it after I make a return visit. Sunday night, I had a slice of walnut pie for dinner and a Parisian Blonde for dessert, exceeding my daily heavy-cream intake.

I’m planning to potluck this Wednesday, so I should have a cooking update for you soon — never fear! In the meantime, peep these articles:

Yesterday, Jane Brody (briefly) examined the underlying causes of the obesity epidemic. None of the information is shocking, or even particularly new. What I found interesting was Brody’s recollection of what she used to eat when she was a kid in the 1950s.

This infographic from The Hunch breaks down food preferences by political party. It’s fascinating (if not surprising). FYI: I am liberal and I LOVE bacon cheeseburgers; I’m in the minority.

Speaking of politically influenced food choices, which demographic will be most likely to consume the Doritos Taco?

Finally, in real-food news, tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of the UN Plaza Farmers Market! Grab some kettle corn, listen to the bands, and get your face painted (maybe?) — I’d so be there if I weren’t working. Sigh.

SICK DAY

I haven’t been sick in a looooong time — oh hai, megadoses of B12! — but yesterday I succumbed to the first [last?] cold of the season. Why now? Two reasons:

  1. Lyfe has been insane the past two weeks, and I haven’t been getting enough sleep/eating the most nutritive foods/relaxing to the degree that I’d like. This past fortnight has dished up landlord harassment, a crosstown move, Eater work, work work…Something had to give, and that something was my immune system.
  2. OH! People at my office have the feeblest hygiene/personal-care habits ever. Think I’m kidding? No. People sneeze (violently) without covering their mouths, cough (violently) without covering their mouths, and touch door handles/other surfaces without having washed their hands. (Which, OK, since they didn’t cough into their hands, I guess that’s a moot point…) I know I risk looking like a google-eyed germophobe, but I’m not. I totally follow the 5-second rule, and I don’t shower every day, and I’ll drink from the same water glass three or four times before washing it. The amount and intensity of illness behavior in my workplace is just…wow.

Despite my self-avowed bitchery, I love a good silver lining. The silver lining of my daylong cold? Vital Vittles Raisin Bread. After last night’s haircut of joy, I jaunted up to Rainbow for some staples.* But the strangest thing happened as soon as I set foot in the store: I could only think of raisin bread. It’s been years since I’ve had RB, but this craving was too great to be denied.

For a brief, terrible moment, I stood before the cooler case, holding a chilled, gluten-free loaf, something like rice flour with walnuts, raisins, and organic cinnamon. For a terrible moment, that loaf sat in my basket. And then I came to my senses: GLUTEN-FREE BREAD? WTF? I’m going to eat all the gluten in the world, bitches!

Close call. Fortunately, I made it through the express lane with VV’s take on raisin bread, and good god, is it delicious. Texture: dense, with a dry crumb. Has the heft of banana bread (or other sweet breads). Makes other slices seem as substantial as packing peanuts. Taste: Nutty and not very sweet. Not sweet at all, actually, save for the raisins. Initially disappointed by the lack of cinnamon, I came to appreciate the contrast the raisins provided against the unsweetened bread.

I could wax poetic about bread all day, but I’ve got dinner plans. Dinner! In a restaurant! Where I won’t be eating bread! Stay well, all of you, and take an extra dose of vitamins.

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*Not gonna tell you what I actually got because you’d throw eggs at me through the Internet.

A Bar to Remember.

What are y’all’s feelings about energy, snack, and meal replacement bars? Do you have an opinion? If you do, would you feel comfortable sharing it with others? I have a definite opinion (as the title of this post may have alerted you!) and I’m not hesitant to share it. Let’s begin.

My decade-long* love/hate relationship with energy bars began when I was in high school. Back then, I was not as much a fan of the meat as I am now (that’s what she said), but being a member of the track team, I needed to get protein somehow. Enter Genisoy bars! With the dense texture of a brownie and a taste mimicking chalk spiked with Ovaltine, Genisoy bars are nothing that I’d eat now, but back then they were the basis of my (frequently unhealthy) lunches.

Ah, lunchtime in high school! I well remember the anxiety wrought by deciding where and with whom to sit; the avoidance, at all costs, of the tepid cartons of 2% milk sold for 50 cents; and the total nutritional imbalance of nearly everything I ate. When I was 16, a typical lunch included a bottle of apple juice (probably from concentrate — I was living in the ‘burbs and was no juice connoisseur, that is for real), a Genisoy bar, and some Cheez-Its. How I survived to adulthood beats me.

In college, my bar consumption suffered a sharp decline. Rather than making at least a pathetic effort to get proper amounts of macronutrients, I ate pizza bagels! Pizza bagels, Nesquick, Parliaments, and Mad Dog! Even more baffling than how I survived high school is how I did not develop diabetes and cirrhosis in college.

Things looked up in grad school, if you take “things” to mean “my diet.” I realized that refined sugars and simple carbs do not effective study fuel make, that beer is a drink in and of itself (and not just a watersome substance used to chase Jaeger). With my renewed interest in health came an increase in my energy bar consumption: Luna was my bar of choice, despite its faint chemical aftertaste. Clif’s flavors didn’t appeal to me like Luna’s did — or maybe Luna’s woman-centric branding is what sealed the deal. Regardless, I rarely trekked to campus without a Luna bar packed in the small pocket of my backpack.

And here we are at the present. For my first year in California, I had a fling with Odwalla bars (Chocolate Chip Peanut), whose chewy texture and verisimilitude to real and tasty candy set my gut aflutter. For the better part of six months, I ate a few bars a week: as breakfast on days when I ran behind, as part of a lunch, after the gym. Too much of a good thing, though, can only lead to total, unalterable boredom; the sight of CCP Odwallas on my pantry shelf came to cause a lurch in my stomach, and I started bringing PB&J for lunch, instead. Moreover, the bars’ likeness to candy caused some suspicion that they actually were candy, in which case I should just have been eating candy bars for lunch. Candy bars, as we know, will always beat the shit out of energy bars, tastewise.

Enter Trio. A new breed of bar made from actual foodstuffs — nuts, seeds, and evaporated cane juice — Trio is kosher, vegan, and free of trans fats. It has no preservatives and is gluten/dairy/GMO free. In short, it’s the perfect bobo snack. Want to make someone feel guilty about that Powerbar he’s chomping? Pull out a Trio bar and make a sly comment about foods vs. “food products.”

In all seriousness, though, Trio is delicious. It is healthier than much of the other crap I eat — lower in sugar, replete with Real Ingredients, not filled with formaldehyde — and it, as all bars, is imminently packable. Which is what drew me to bars in the first place: the convenience factor. One downside of Trio is its relative messiness. Aggregated from nuts and seeds as it is, Trio tends to be crumbly and can muss one’s black sweater, if one is as messy an eater as I am. Drawback aside, Trio is my new go-to energy bar — until something younger and hipper storms the market. Until that point, bring on those nuts!

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*Jesus. Just writing that sentence makes me cringe.

Product Roundup: The Biggest Greek Yogurt Bang for Your Buck

The surprising winner in my personal yogurt showdown.

Like most people, I’m very fond of my routines. I look forward to my early morning bike ride, my post-workout tea and oatmeal, weekend walks downtown and evening “Forensic Files” marathons. (Aside: I realize that the elements of my routine listed here make me seem like a 38-year-old, but it’s cool. I’m practically 38.) One major component of my routine — weekday, at least — is Greek yogurt. At some point, perhaps a year after trying and becoming obsessed with Greek yogurt, I became that Person Who Eats Yogurt Every Day. Prior to the transition, the exact time of which is unknown to me, I wondered about these yogurt-eating people always mentioned in women’s magazines. Who the hell eats yogurt every day? I wanted to know.

Well, I do.

Last week, Lucky (the [big-box] grocery store nearest my house) was sold out of Dannon plain Greek yogurt. This had never happened before, so I picked up a few Chobanis and decided to return a few days later, assuming the stock would be replenished. Yesterday morning, making a 7:30 run for coffee, milk, and Aquaphor, I checked the yogurt case. Still empty of Dannon! This led me to kvetch to Hook about how Dannon has the best product for the price point and shame on Lucky for not restocking like a normal store. My kvetchings, in turn, led Hook to prompt me to write about my system of evaluating Greek yogurt, whose intricacies I will share with you now.

Yogurt Roundup: The Best Greek Yogurt for Your Money

1) Dannon 0% Plain Yogurt. In the early days of my Greek yogurt consumption, I would never have guessed that Dannon — plain old Dannon — would reign supreme in my self-determined yogurt hierarchy. While it’s true that Dannon is the best-selling brand of yogurt worldwide (who knew?), it seems, in some ways, mundane. I grew up eating Fruit on the Bottom, you know? I didn’t initially trust Dannon’s ability to produce an authentic-tasting Greek yogurt because I’d come to associate the brand with the marginal yogurts of my youth.

But the product speaks for itself: Dannon’s Greek yogurt is thick and creamy, possessing an almost custardlike consistency. There’s very little excess liquid, and the yogurt is tart but never sour. Additionally, one six-ounce carton costs a mere $.99 at Lucky — about half the price of other, arguably-more-desirable brands (which I’ll get to in a moment).

2) Fage 0%. I love Fage: the texture is incredible, the taste is spot-on, and the packaging design is lovely to behold. I don’t love that a 5.3-ounce carton of Fage costs $1.79. I’d have ranked Fage as my top yogurt were the price-per-package a bit lower, but sadly, Dannon dominates in the cost category.

3) Chobani 0%. Texturally, Chobani is very similar to Dannon and Fage; tastewise, it’s a bit tarter. I’ve found that Chobani has more liquid than either of the two brands previously listed, and I’m not a huge fan of this runoff (which I either drain off or hastily mix in to the yogurt, though I’ve been told that one should never stir Greek yogurt prior to consumption! I do not remember who told me this.). In my neck of the woods, a six-ounce carton of Chobani costs, on average, $1.69 — which means that, in a battle with Fage, Fage will win any day. (Aside: Chobani does have a Pineapple yogurt that is tasty as a dessert, but is a little too sweet for a coffee break snack.)

4) Trader Joe’s Fat Free Greek Yogurt. At $.89 per serving, Trader Joe’s Nonfat Greek Yogurt (Plain variety) leads the pack in terms of price. In other areas, though, the yogurt falls flat. I’ve found TJ’s Greek Yogurt to be runnier than the others listed, and the flavored varieties (Pomegranate, notably) miss the mark, both in terms of tangyness and in mimicking the flavor they’re meant to mimic. Not wanting to be wasteful but also not really digging the Pomegranate yogurt, I actually left a carton of this in my office fridge last week, hoping someone would sneak off with it. As of Friday afternoon, it was still there.

5) Greek Gods Nonfat Plain Yogurt. I’d like to rank Greek Gods yogurt higher — really, I would — not least of all because their packaging is eye-catching (who doesn’t love the bright colors combined with drawings of the gods?). My biggest qualm with this yogurt is its relative dearth of protein; yes, a six-ounce serving of the nonfat, plain yogurt is a scant 60 calories, but it also only has six grams of protein — hardly more than a regular yogurt. Moreover, the flavored varieties (Fig, Vanilla, Honey Strawberry) are pretty damn caloric: one cup of the Honey Strawberry has 310 calories and 15 grams of fat (basically equivalent to a half-cup serving of premium ice cream, which at least seems properly indulgent, unlike this yogurt, which masquerades as a health food). At $1.49 for a six-ounce cup, Greek Gods is not the priciest of the competitors, but the quality of the product doesn’t justify the cost.

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So there you have it — more than you ever wanted to/needed to/thought you’d know about my Greek yogurt preferences. I’m always on the lookout for new products and I’m planning to try two brands (Brown Cow and Oikos) that I haven’t tried yet. For the time being, I’ll stick with Dannon.